If you are thinking about suicide,
click here first.

The Yellow Ribbon
Suicide Prevention Program

The Compassionate Friends

American Foundation
for Suicide Prevention

Is suicide
painless?

Shawn's Bio

Books to read

Eulogy for
Shawn

My
Observations

Who
am
I?

I chose to place this song's lyrics on this page because it emphasizes one key element of suicide, choice.  Many people believe that the person committing the suicide simply chooses to do so.  But this choice is certainly based on faulty reasoning brought on by depression, false perceptions and, quite likely, a chemical imbalance.  As one pastor put it, they have a mind that is not operating properly.  For the many people left behind, grieving, filled with guilt and filled with questions, it must be realized that the decision was out of their hands. 

There was nothing that the survivors of suicide SAID that "caused" the person to commit suicide.  No matter what was said, others have said worse without a resulting suicide.

There was nothing that the survivors of suicide DID that "caused" the person to commit suicide.  No matter what they did, others did worse without a resulting suicide. 

There is nothing that the survivors of suicide could have SAID that could have PREVENTED the person from committing suicide.  It is not a matter of what is actually said, but more of the person "thinks" he or she heard.  Often, the "conversation" takes place in the mind of the person committing suicide.   The survivors of suicide do not have the POWER to give or take life by what is said.  They never had such a power, and never will. 

There is nothing that the survivors of suicide could have DONE that could have PREVENTED the person from committing suicide.  The actions of the survivors (or lack of actions) were not the single cause for the suicide.  Suicide is a culmination of many events, often misinterpreted, that lead the person into a feeling of hopelessness, a feeling of helplessness, and a feeling of being unloved.

I struggled for a long time with this.  I was on the phone with Shawn the very night he took his own life.  For a long time, I felt I should have said something different, I should have taken some other action.  However, there is often a mistrust of others so that attempts at help are rejected.  Suicide is viewed as an escape, a solution to all of the problems that have existed, that exist now, and that may exist in the future.  Once the decision to commit suicide is made, there is a calmness, a peace within the individual that they may not have had for years.  NO ONE can persuade the person to bypass this escape.  Some individuals who have received professional help, have all the support of friends and family, or have been institutionalized, have still managed to end their own lives. 

The person intent on committing suicide must realize internally that the decision is a faulty one.  Suicide does not solve problems, it merely increases grief.