Chapter 5:  The Storm Clouds Gather.

Have you ever stood outside when a major storm was approaching?  You can feel the change in the direction of the wind.  You can smell the ozone in the air.  And when the temperature begins to drop rapidly, you know that a major shift in the environment is about to take place.  You know something bad is going to happen, but there is nothing you can do to stop it.

That was how I felt during the last few years of Shawn's life. 

After we moved to Davenport, Shawn continued to participate in the orchestra.  It was in this orchestra that he met a girl and began to hang around with her.  The more time Shawn spent with her, the less  time he spent with us.  Her parents were very caustic, calling Shawn, their own children and even themselves cruel names.  Shawn managed to graduate from high school but had no intentions of going to college.  Since he was over 18, he moved out of our house and stayed in the home of one of his male friends.  They got tired of his presence and asked Shawn to leave.  We tried to coax Shawn into returning home but his girlfriend's father intervened and took Shawn in. 

Within that environment, Shawn began a rapid downward spiral.   He spent more and more time with alcohol and drugs finding it difficult to remain employed.  His girlfriend's parents got tired of supporting him and tried to extort money from us for his room and board.  There were numerous fights between Shawn, his girlfriend and her parents.  After one of these fights they moved out to an apartment but ran out of money and eventually moved back to her parents home.   Shawn got tired of the endless, low paying laborer type jobs and we convinced him to return home so he could go to college.

For awhile, Shawn would ride with me to the college where I worked to take classes, which he could do without paying tuition.  I paid for his books and other school supplies.  Soon I found out that he had gotten deeply into debt so he began working at a company near the college after classes.  He seemed to be making progress.  He was slowly accumulating college credits, the debt was slowing decreasing and he was talking more positively about his future. 

But that was just the calm before the storm.

In the fall of 1999, Shawn approached me while I was unloading the groceries from the car.  He said, "Dad, I have something to tell you."  He gave me a hug, something that he had not done in years.  He then went on to say that his girlfriend was pregnant but that did not think that he was the father.  I had a talk with his girlfriend and she indicated also that Shawn might not be the father, however, she did not want to have anything to do with the guy that might be.  Later she began to say that Shawn was the father and her parents insisted that Shawn take responsibility for the baby regardless of who the father was.  

During the fall semester, Shawn and I had numerous conversations about paternity, DNA tests, legal and moral responsibility.  He had decided to wait until the baby was born and then find out who the father was.  I offered to pay for the DNA testing.  His girlfriend and her parents supported the idea at first, but as the due date got closer, they began to pressure Shawn and us to pay for expenses relating to the baby.  They had the opinion that if Shawn loved her, he should pay for her care no matter what.  His girlfriend indicated in a letter to Shawn that if he did not claim the baby as his own, she would not allow him to see her or the baby.

Her parents attempted to have us pay for her medication and vitamins.  The father took the title of Shawn's Blazer and threatened to sell the vehicle if I did not give him money.  They parents bought child seats for the new baby and said I had to buy one from them.

Shawn dropped out of school during the spring 2000 semester to be with his girlfriend when she delivered.  This also meant that he quit the job near the college and stopped paying on the loan I co-signed with him.  Once the baby was born, his girlfriend and her parents insisted that Shawn pay for the expenses of the pregnancy, but of course he had no money and they attempted to extort money out of us.  His girlfriend coerced him into signing a paternity document indicating that he was the biological father. Eventually, there was another falling out with her parents and the three of them moved to another apartment.

Shawn had great difficulty holding onto a steady job now.  We found out that he and his girlfriend had gotten into heavy drinking and experimenting with drugs and had isolated themselves from his friends.  But still we tried to show support and entertained them at our house many times.

Mother's Day, 2001, Shawn came over with his girlfriend and her son.  He seemed to be in good spirits and asked if we would come to their apartment to celebrate the first birthday of her son.  Of course we said yes and looked forward to the event.  This was the first time that we had been invited to their new apartment.  The next night I received a call from Shawn around 10:00pm.  He indicated that the rent for the apartment had been lost by the manager and they were being forced out.  He asked if all three of them could move into our house and I replied, "I do not see how that would work."  I suggested that he make a partial payment on the rent and we could track down the money order that claimed he submitted. 

After Shawn hung up, I received a call from his girlfriend's father.  He stated that Shawn had lost his job some time ago and had already asked him if they could move in there.  Initially he had said no but, he would call Shawn back and allow all three of them to stay there.  I told him to call me back if there were any problems.  I had a nagging feeling that I should have called Shawn back to make sure everything was worked out.

But, I thought that the storm would pass by.
 

Here is another story about death during a conflict.

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